1. Sick people don’t bitch.
2. Air goes in & out, blood goes round and round. Any variation is a bad thing.
3. The more equipment on a paramedics belt the newer they are.
4. When dealing with pts, bystanders or supervisors, if it felt good to say it, it was the wrong thing to say.
5. All bleeding stops eventually.
6. Looks sick, is sick.
7. If the pt is sitting up and talking to you, the patient is not in VF no matter what the monitor says.
8. Full spinal precautions were custom made for obnoxious drunks.
9. It is generally bad form to use the words “holy shit” in relation to a pt’s condition.
10. When responding, always remember that your ambulance was built by the lowest bidder.
11. If responding to an MVA after midnight and you don’t find a drunk, keep looking ‘cause you’ve missed a pt.
12. A cervical tourniquet solves all problems.
13. The dead never get better, on the other hand, they never get any worse.
14. Asystole is a very stable rhythm.
15. For every ALS skill you learn you forget a BLS one.
16. What do you call the medical student who finishes last in his class ? Doctor.
17 Always have a probationer on hand at any job requiring a bottle knot.
18. There is no such thing as a “textbook case”.
19. For every 100 jobs you do, 1 will be exciting.
20. Take comfort in the fact that most of your pts will survive, no matter what you do.
21. ALS stands for Absolute Loss of Sense.
22. There are two kinds of calls…..”oh-shit” and “bullshit”.
23. You can’t cure stupidity.
24. Heaven protects fools and drunks.
25. One medical control that can always be used… drive faster.
26. The weight of your pt is always directly proportional to the distance you have to carry them.
27. The street sign will always be missing and the house number never marked.
28. The stereo must always be louder than the siren.
29. You know you are in trouble when the directions to a pts house starts with…”once you leave the paved road”. Any mention of tree stumps, coloured letter boxes or cattlegrids are a bad sign.
30. All arrhythmias eventually straighten themselves out.
31. Your seriously ill pt will miraculously recover when you wheel them into the ED, conversely your pt with a paper cut will arrest.
32. Your pt will develop new symptoms in the ED between your handover and the triage nurse speaking to them.
33. The pain will go away when it stops hurting.
34. People don’t call an ambulance because they’ve done something right or clever.
35. When treating a violent pt, try O2 therapy…an O2 cylinder to the head normally quietens them down.
36. If the pt fell and was moved by family members, they will have moved them so that climbing stairs is involved.
37. Dispatchers tell everyone where to go, ambos would love to tell the dispatcher where to go.
38. If you do tell the dispatcher where to go, follow this with the urgent need to go home sick, OR they will find many, many more places for you to go.
39. As soon a you say, “you know, I’ve never done a shooting/hanging/paediatric arrest, etc.”, you’ve just ensured the nature of your next job.
40. God made paramedics to give him the opportunity to change his mind.
41. The worse a pt’s halitosis, the quieter they will speak.
42. If in doubt as to which house you were called to, look for the house with the worst access.
43. If the pt only moans when you’re listening for lung sounds, they are not as sick as they want to be.
44. 111 - the government’s answer to Lifeline and Dial-a-prayer.
45. Some people can do this job, some people can’t. Pray that you are partners with one who can.
46. If God had intended you to have a rapid response to the call you would’ve been parked in front of the location.
47. Paramedics don’t complain, that’s the patient’s job.
48. Paramedics never run. Unless, of course, there is food, a late meal or call off involved.
49. People are going to get sick, people are going to get hurt and some people are going to die. Being a paramedic is not a multiple choice job, you must be able to handle all of the above.
50. Remember, ALL people WILL eventually die no matter what you do or how skilled you think that you are. But, if the coroner ever asks, the correct answer is, “I was driving that day”.
(via faatpanda)
A 30cm (1ft) snake slowly moves through the body of a man on a spotless table, advancing its way around the liver. It stops, sniffs to the left, then turns to the right and slithers behind the ribcage.
This is a medical robot, guided by a skilled surgeon and designed to get to places doctors are unable to reach without opening a patient up. It is still only a prototype and has not yet been used on real patients - only in the lab. But its designers, from OC Robotics in Bristol, are convinced that once ready and approved, it could help find and remove tumours.
The mechanical snake is one of several groundbreaking cancer technologies showcased at previous week’s International Conference on Oncological Engineering at the University of Leeds.
(via blue-lights-and-tea)
Woman Survives Rare Internal Decapitation
Rachel Bailey did not lose her head over temporarily losing her head. The 23-year-old Phoenix resident is making a miraculous recovery after a car accident fully separated her skull from her spine, a rarely seen and even more rarely survived injury called an internal decapitation.
“I just thought, ‘I’m not going to let this beat me, I’m not going to let this define me,’” Bailey told Arizona TV station 3TV of the injury that put her in an intensive care unit for a month after the car crash in September 2011.
After six surgeries and extensive physical therapy, Bailey recovered her ability to walk and talk, and on Monday (Sept. 24) she had dinner with the Phoenix firefighters whose speedy work saved her from paralysis, according to 3TV.
Internal decapitation, or atlanto-occipital dislocation, occurs when head trauma separates the skull from the spinal column while leaving the exterior of the neck intact.
According to a 2006 study in the Canadian Journal of Emergency Medicine, the sensation of instability that results when part or all of the spinal column is severed in a still-conscious person “may cause patients to experience the sensation that their ‘head is falling off.’”
oh. well then, hey guess that’s something to look out for
i wrote a paper as a senior in high school about this and when tracking the unhealthy relationship symptoms i found this out too. fucking a.
THIS is a legitimate reason to think Twilight is problematic. Not “oooh, but it’s girly literature cause the vampires sparkle and all the teen girls are into Edward”. As funny as some of the sparkly vampires jokes are - and they really sometimes are - Twilight’s very unique take on vampires is the least of the series’ problems, yet this criticism gets heard a lot more than the criticism of people who have noticed that something isn’t quite right in the relationship between Edward and Bella.
Just another bullet point to add to my list of reasons i hate this film!
This historic photograph shows a technician calibrating an iron lung machine. These machines were used to keep polio patients alive, enabling them to breathe by creating a negatively-pressurized environment around their bodies after having been sealed inside the machine, with only their head exterior to the confines of the apparatus.
(via anaestheticroom)
(Source: nurseshoolage, via nurseflo)
Diving and Hyperbaric Medicine : the Journal of the South Pa
Aimed at diving organizations, the military, and related underwater industries, the journal reports on research related to all aspects of underwater and hyperbaric medicine.
(via blue-lights-and-tea)
FROM THE ARCHIVES: CRANQUIS’ VIEWS ON POOR PARENTING
Anonymous asked: Hi Dr Cranquis, since you’re a doctor, you’re bound to have encountered people from all walks of life. Hence, I believe that you are more than qualified to give your view on this topic:
What do you qualifies as poor parenting? Personally, I believe that parents are responsible for creating a conducive and financially secure environment for the child to grow in, and that they should also be role models that inspire and motivate their child. Failing that makes the person a horrible parent. Also, what do you think are some of the effects of poor parenting?Hello, Jazz Trumpeter Swan,
I appreciate your very respectful assumption of my qualifications to discuss “proper vs. poor parenting.” I was fortunate to grow up in a 2-parent home with high-quality parents who cared for me deeply, and that’s definitely provided me with a “control group” against which to compare the parents I run into in clinic every day. And now that I myself am a dad, I feel less “hypocritical” in talking about “poor parenting” — cuz after all, it’s easy to criticize a parent if you’re not a parent yourself! :)
Well, if you’ve read some of my prior posts about some of the “high-quality” parents I’ve been “privileged” to encounter in my job, you probably gathered that I expect parents to at least do a few basic things for their kids, in relation to their visit with me in the clinic:
- Tell your kid what to expect at the doctor’s office before you arrive there
- Don’t act more frightened of the doctor than your kid does
- Don’t sit there reading a magazine while I’m asking you questions about your child’s illness
- Don’t bring the neighbor kids, school buddies, and 18 other random children along to your child’s URGENT CARE VISIT. My exam room is not a playground.
- Speaking of which, don’t use my exam room equipment as playthings to entertain your kids. Those gloves, tongue dispensers, bandaids, otoscope tips, and hand-sanitizer bottles are not toys!
- As I complained about in my very FIRST Tumblr post: don’t take the “coward’s way out” of being a strict parent, by trying to make the doctor seem like the “bad guy” when your child is misbehaving!
I agree with your definitions of a parent’s responsibilities (environment conducive to growth, financially secure, be good role models) — but I would add to that:
- Be a law-giver and boundary-setter for your kids first, rather than “just a good buddy” — kids needs boundaries in order to grow up into productive and well-adjusted members of society.
- Provide a financially secure environment, yes — but don’t spoil your kids either. Not only does that provide a poor example for your kids (a focus on material goods), but it also isn’t what they really want! Kids want your time, your attention, your support; they want the knowledge that mom and dad will BE THERE for them all the way. If they have that, they won’t be (as) focused on having the latest clothes/shoes/game consoles/toys/etc.etc.etc. Parents that try to use money and material goods as asubstitute for just spending time with their kids are poor parents.
- Encourage your children to explore their world and the variety of belief systems/values which it contains — but don’t neglect to provide an example of your own beliefs and values to them! I think many parents want to avoid “forcing my religion/morals on my kids, like my parents did to me”, so they swing to the other extreme and don’t provide any guidance to their kids on any of the many difficult ethical/moral issues facing kids today (sex, drugs, alcohol, choosing good friends, cheating in school, gangs, smoking). If parents won’t give their kids any input on how and what to choose, someone else will — and you, as a parent, have no idea who that may be. Don’t send your child out into the world as a blank slate — write some basic guidelines on them first, then give them the chalk and eraser, and send them out prepared to make wise decisions.
The effects of poor parenting are too numerous to count — after all, what is the history of our world but a chain of events welded together by the actions (or inactions) of countless parents?
(Dang, Cranquis, you really popped off a pretty distinguished-sounding quotable phrase there! Note to self: Send that in to Reader’s Digest, ASAP.)
But to list some specific examples of “the effects of poor parenting,” I’d include:
- Inability to form healthy relationships with peers and partners
- Poor planning and budgeting skills (financially, relationally, career-wise)
- Overemphasis on material gain in order to compensate for the emotional “hole”
- Passing along those same poor-parenting flaws to your own children
- Disrespectful approach to teachers and other people in authority (cuz after all, if your own parents don’t relate to you in a way which expects and provides mutual respect, how can you learn to respect anyone else?)
Thanks for the opportunity to discuss this issue, which is really important to me!
(For those of you out there who are parents like me and Mrs. Cranquis, you may enjoy reading the book “Nightlight for Parents” by James and Shirley Dobson, a Christian devotional with some solid and practical advice on raising kids well.)
[A self-reblog of this prior Ask post.]
(Source: medical-gal)